She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
