Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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