I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
