I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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