I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
