now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
