The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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