considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
