I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think i have two assholes
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
