The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
