If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
