Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
