careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
