omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
