Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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