Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
