If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
