1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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