I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
