It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
