There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
