he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think your dad took our porno
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
