Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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