Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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