Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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