Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize