we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize