What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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