C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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