i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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