OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
