More tranny stories later!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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