I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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