I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Ketchup is God's man juice
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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