Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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