I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
