Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
