Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
