I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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