The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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