yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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