Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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