Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
