i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I wish my penis had an off switch
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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