You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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