You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
