I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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