I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I want is dick and wine.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
