she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
