This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
3 2 1 whiskey
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
