theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
