Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
