God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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