just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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