Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
