i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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