maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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