You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
