five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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