my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
