So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
