I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
