Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
