That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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