He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
