I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
