I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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