it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
