So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
